I hate this place. I can't get away from the very things that trouble me, I'm stuck. I still have another month and a half before I go home for two weeks, but there's no solace in such thoughts. He's going to go back to the states around the same time as me. He's part of my problem. It infuriated me that she tried to flirt with him, and blantly obvious about it too. He didn't move away from her when she reached out to touch his stomach. He smiled and joked with her and all I wanted to do was punch her and beat the absolute shit out of him. But he's not mine. Sick isn't it? I'm getting jealous over someone who may not even matter to him as much as I think. Why else would he leave me some of my favorite things in my backpack while I'm pulling gear for the day's mission? Why else would he try to get close to me, find an excuse to touch me and be near me, spend time talking to me when he knows she's in the other trailer and I'm sure she'll jump at the chance of spending time alone with him. So why am i so bitter about it all? I mean, shit, he didn't want me involved in his life a year ago, but now that I've been focused on my life or at least trying to be, he's meddled his way back in. He shouldn't even matter to me. He shouldn't be worth a second thought much less the journal entry I just typed.
All I can think of is that this is fueled by my sheer loneliness and the on-going battle to keep from slipping into another bout of self-destruction.

it's been almost two months since he dumped me over the phone in a matter of days since he got back from this hellhole. after all the damn hoops i had to jump all the shit that i went through. but that's okay. I'm fine. I'm just really getting sick of all the ex-boyfriends clamoring for my attention. I wasn't good enough according to them, but all the sudden I am?
Yeah fuck off.